yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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