Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
