chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
