her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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