idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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