I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
