Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
