I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
