Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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