So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
