I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
