girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
