Where did you get a picture of my penis
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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