he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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