I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
