Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
