I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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