Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
