I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
