White coat. Heels.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
