EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
