What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
