The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I need water and some morals
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
