some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
