After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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