the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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