I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
