Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
