Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
