Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
