I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
