I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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