i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
