Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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