Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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