I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
