She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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