nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
