Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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