He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
