Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
