Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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