i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
