on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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