I can't watch pbs sober anymore
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
