Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
