Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
