Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
