I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i jhust puked up my retainher.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'd cum for enchiladas.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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