How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
