idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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