Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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